To Go Fast, Row Slowly

These were positive words to live by earlier this week when I needed to realize that Dan is not jumping out of bed and running to the exit door any time soon. Today new blood cultures show another bout of infection – perhaps something similar to what he had in March. It wasn’t the news I expected to hear today. This is the second positive culture to show up since Tuesday although the first one seems to have disappeared (dare I say?) Now this new one is yet to be determined exactly what it is and how it will be treated. Dan says they are wrong. He has no infection in his blood. He feels fine. Then he went to sleep.

So the good news is that he isn’t showing any symptoms of infection – all his vitals are great. The infectious disease doctor who busted in the room this morning to deliver the incomplete report had horrible bedside manners and was adamant about how horrible this bug is…whatever it is. She told me to look it up on line to find out more. I told her, No I will not. We’ve been through hell and I’m don’t need to freak out sooner than I have to…

After succumbing to a weeping jag while talking to the social worker about it, our doctor came in and apologized for her behavior. He said let’s just wait and see about it – it’s obviously not bothering him (Dan) in any way right now.

So again we wait and pray and hope for the very best.  I can’t imagine going through anything like the month of March again. I declare Dan won’t have to!

Also this week, in the spirit of believing in forward progress AND LIVING IT, I decided to move back to Holland and go back to work part time by the first week of May.  (Details are still being worked out and as we’ve learned so far, anything can change.) It has become obvious that Nick really needs his mom back. Dan knows what he has to do on this side of the state. I’ve got a job that I cannot ignore much longer. It is taking every ounce of courage to do this but after talking with some of the staff here, it is certainly not an unreasonable move. They understand how hard this circumstance is and are offering to do what they can to support Dan while in their care. They just can’t promise me a date he’ll be released to rehab. So I have to move on with life for our family’s sake - earn money, be a mom and come back here on weekends to be with Dan. It’s not what we wanted or ever expected would happen but something’s got to give. Perhaps if I move forward, Dan will follow – with no infections, bacteria or cancers attached!

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